It was five years ago today but I played my last show. Five full years. It was a charity event in the East Village that I organized with my friend Paul. We had six bands that night, including me, and we raised a few thousand dollars for the MS Society.
Then, as if all at once, everything changed. I shattered my shoulder in a bike accident on October 14, had surgery to repair it on October 15 (a metal plate and eight pins), and it hurt like hell when my wife, my brothers, and Paul drove me back and forth to Rhode Island. My mom was dying of breast cancer, and her courageous three year battle was coming to an end. She died on October 25, at home surrounded by her adoring family.
Somehow, after three years of declining health, it was still a shock to all of us. The grief hit like a thunder clap. While helping my dad regain control of his life and atrophied finances, my wife and I were planning an out-of-state move. We were selling our apartment in NYC and buying a new apartment in Boston. As if that weren’t enough, the giant multinational corporation for whom I was working was going through yet another merger, and the results were not favorable (at least for me).
Complete tumult, completely relentless. Surgery 10/15. Death of a parent 10/25. Closed on the purchase of our new home in Boston on 10/31. Loaded up the trucks on 12/4, on the coldest night of the year. Then back to NYC to complete the sale of our NYC home on 1/11/08.
It seems impossible now, but all the events above were crammed into the space of a little more than three months. Looking back, I’m not sure how I survived those 12 weeks.
So here it is, five years later. A lot has happened since then. Among a stack of great things, one more big trauma—I lost my dad on 7/21 of this year. His illness was aggressive, a form of liver cancer that was determined to outrun the treatments. His death was on the front page of the local paper, and there were about 900 (!) people at the calling hours. If there’s a silver lining in this, it’s that I’m really proud of him in a way that I could not have fully seen while he was here.
Both my mom and dad lived life like the clock was ticking. I love that about them.
Snap back to today. The 5-year anniversary of my glorious last show on 9/26/07. I was so proud of the whole event; I felt like we contributed something. Both to a worthy charity and to the energy that drives The City.
So when my friend Andrew invited me to do a short set to open for his band on 10/25, I said yes. Worry crept in—can I be ready in time? Will I be rough and rust-covered? Is this the right way to mark the 5-year anniversary of my mom’s passing? I’m prone to seeking significance in the smallest events (I have my father to thank for that), but why not this time? Why not do it? I’ve got 4 weeks—let’s go!
The clock is ticking, right? I have work to do. I hope mom & dad will be proud. Stay tuned, more details to come.